I've Had Enough

Do you know what sucks? Expectations.
It sucks because it gives you false hope, a picture of an ideal setting that you believe in your mind will come true. And then it actually is not. Your life failed to meet your expectations, and it left you miserable and sad for long.

I've had this high expectations on how my long holiday is going to happen. I was excited for months. I'm going to spend a long time on my hometown, some of my dear friends are back too and I'm really anticipating the meet-ups. I'm like really really excited. I've been spending weeks to find the right time to bought the ticket when it is at its lowest price, I've spend weeks saving up for the gifts, and I bought them excitedly in the middle of a heavy rain. I've been so carefully arranged my arrival so that it would be just right in time for my best' birthday. Not to mention that this might be the last time I came here, since it so likely that I'm going to move out soon. Overall, I am being so overly excited with my trip, I had all these happy plans on my head, some sort of illusion that me going home is something, I don't know, important?

And it went downhill from there.
Everything sucks. Everyone is busy. They have no time, at all. And when they did, they preferred to spent it with others whom are more important. The birthday surprise that I planned so excitedly, failed miserably. It is not the 'happy failed' when the birthday person know beforehand about the surprise, no. It is the kind of fail when the birthday person was not even there to be surprised. It really really sucks, seriously. I had to go by taxi, since my driver is no longer my driver, and it cost a bloody fortune. And I had to wait outside for an hour, alone under the maddeningly bright sun, looking so miserable even the local woman came over because she pitied me. And I practically can't go anywhere here because, like I said earlier, I no longer have a driver. So I had to go by taxi, which is so damn expensive and the driver are often idiots who played a really bad music.

I don't blame anyone, really. I do understand they have their own mandatory agenda that they couldn't simply left behind. I also know that a failed surprise is one of the risk you have to preps yourself when you're trying to give someone a surprise. I understand all that, or at least I'm trying to be understanding. It's just that, it sucks. I've been anticipating this holiday for months, it was my motivation during all those hard months in college and that stressful exam weeks. And when it finally comes around, it failed to meet my expectations.

It sucks, yes. And I think the only sole being who needs to be blamed is my own self, for expecting too much.

But is it really too much to ask for your time, deAr? Is it really too much for you to save a time for me, like I always saved time for you when you're in need?
P.S : I'm leaving on Thursday. I've had enough disappointment.