Life, So Far.

Things aren't going really well. It's not that I'm being ungrateful, but these are so different from how I thought it will be.
There's no time to breathe. There's no time to sit back and relax, and say I'm free. There's too many events I couldn't keep up with.
I always feel like I'm not good enough, or smart enough, compared with others. I used to prided myself on my writing skill, but now I suffered, even for a simple task as creating a question.
I am weak. Lived in a community with a high standard of life spoiled me. I have never been a good saver, always spending too much on trivial things.
I can't go anywhere I want freely, I need to depend to someone else, and it bothers me.
I found people that I can relate too, who has the same taste, same interest. But it is so hard to get into a 'close circle'. So here I am, stuck with those whom I don't understand. They are different, they're those whom I wouldn't usually hang out with. I'm not being mean, but we just don't have the same rhythm.
People can be really annoying sometimes. They're arrogant, they underestimated, they always talk but they never listen, they're slow and undependable.
Trivial things annoyed me real bad. Slow internet connection, room that didn't cleaned properly, dirty laundry, and other things that I don't usually had to worry about.
I miss my father, but he's so goddamn busy he barely even called. It's been too long since the last time I saw him. Even when I spent a short time at our hometown, he was home only for what? A week? I do understand that he has a lot of things to do right now. But is it so hard to spend just one day, one night, to visit me here?
I am here for Her. I never knew what She wanted me to be. And here I am, hoping that going into the same place as She was, will be enough to make Her proud. But I'm struggling here. There are some place here who holds a lot of memories of the happiness I don't own anymore, and going there always left me emotionally drained.


I fear the future. I fear the time when I will be left alone here, with no one to share daily stories with, no one to accompany in lonely nights, no one to eat together with, no one to make this strange place feels like home.

Up until now, I haven't found anyone I want to take pictures with.
There's no one worth the memories yet.
Will there ever be?

I beg you, please stay.

Too Many

There are too many strangers

Feel like I can't even breath without being judged

There are too many strangers

While the close one is too far to reach

There are too many strangers

And this is a completely different place, different life

There are too many strangers

They are everywhere

 

I am suffocating