He's your average-looking kind of guy. Thin, tall, lanky and all gangly limbs. He has no fabulous-looking Korean hairstyle or something. He's not stylish too, his clothes are plain, his shoes are plain, his bags are plain, and it seems to me that he only has this one jacket to wear anywhere, anytime. He doesn't wear perfume, he doesn't has a deep low voice, doesn't has a broad neck nor a broad shoulders, which are things that I paid attention to the most.
He is ordinary, and he should be nobody.
And yet he is continually impressed me and left me star-struck.
It is the fact that he is so goddamn smart that makes him so... attractive. He is religious, but he embraced his faith with logic and open mind. He has these sophisticated vocabulary that left me gaping in awe every time he open his mouth. He came from a small, uninteresting, in-the-middle-of-nowhere city, yet he knows so much, probably more than those big city mama boys I happened to know. He knows so much, yet he keeps his head down. He stayed low, he talk for the purpose of talking and not flaunting, he respects, and he listens. He is dependable, a born-to-lead kind of guy. He can be a little too straightforward at times, but it's just him being himself.
I've got to admit that it's good to have an object-attraction to spice up those boring days in class, but that's it. That's all he is, an object to entertain the day. Someone to look at and admire from afar. It is more like, a crush? A temporary school-girl crush. I haven't even try to 'kepo' on him, since I'm afraid that knowing him better will banish all those good images of him I built inside my head. Oh, and he is taken already. Not that I really mind, though. Again, I'm not interested on pursuing it.
He is ordinary, and he should be nobody.
And yet he is continually impressed me and left me star-struck.
He got me at 'ciyusmiapah'.
October 20, 2012
October 19, 2012
Smarty Smarty
Yang bikin jadi nggak cepet beres itu siapa sebenernya?
Yang pergi di momen yang nggak tepat siapa?
Yang tiba-tiba minta hasil sementara selama ini nggak ada usaha itu siapa?
Selama ini semua kerja keras dan Anda di mana?
That's why I hate dealing with 'smart' people.
The amount of their knowledge equal the size of their ego
Such a pain in the ass.
October 18, 2012
Between You and I
Mengucap maaf lebih dulu bukan berarti lemah
Tidak lalu lantas kalah
Ini bukan bukan tentang siapa yang salah
Namun pikiran yang mampu menelaah
Dan hati yang lebih besarlah
Yang sanggup pertama kali melangkah
..because between the two of us, someone has to be the wiser one and make the first move
or we'll getting no fucking where
October 12, 2012
No, I'm not okay.
It's been such a long time since I post some decent stories here. I simply just don't have the time. And for the first time in my life, I got tired of writing, I loathe writing.
I started to questioning the reason I took this major. I should've know better than to see myself this high. This is exactly not suitable for me. Or perhaps it's the people that is not suitable.
I keep finding myself stuck with those that I'm not fond of like it's my ultimate bad luck or something. The assignments are hard and non-stop. There's too much events to paid attention to. I barely had the time for myself. Those who stayed far away barely had the time to catch up. And when they did, they talked about things that I don't give a damn. It was different, my life here and their life there, and so we won't find things to talk about with.
I left my heart with the memories, that I'm holding onto tightly since the present is so unacceptable. But memories are just memories. It'll fade away. It has began to fade away.
Everything didn't go as I planned. I'm wondering who to blame here. Faith?
Me?
I started to questioning the reason I took this major. I should've know better than to see myself this high. This is exactly not suitable for me. Or perhaps it's the people that is not suitable.
I keep finding myself stuck with those that I'm not fond of like it's my ultimate bad luck or something. The assignments are hard and non-stop. There's too much events to paid attention to. I barely had the time for myself. Those who stayed far away barely had the time to catch up. And when they did, they talked about things that I don't give a damn. It was different, my life here and their life there, and so we won't find things to talk about with.
I left my heart with the memories, that I'm holding onto tightly since the present is so unacceptable. But memories are just memories. It'll fade away. It has began to fade away.
Everything didn't go as I planned. I'm wondering who to blame here. Faith?
Me?
Hello. Fuck You.
Weak and Whiny
Mean and Impatient.
Slow and Undependable.
Egoist and Emotional.
Spoiled and Ungrateful.
Weird and Sensitive.
We hate each other's guts. But you need me. Just like how I need you.
We are what we are now.
Frenemies.
September 26, 2012
Life, So Far.
Things aren't going really well. It's not that I'm being ungrateful, but these are so different from how I thought it will be.
There's no time to breathe. There's no time to sit back and relax, and say I'm free. There's too many events I couldn't keep up with.
I always feel like I'm not good enough, or smart enough, compared with others. I used to prided myself on my writing skill, but now I suffered, even for a simple task as creating a question.
I am weak. Lived in a community with a high standard of life spoiled me. I have never been a good saver, always spending too much on trivial things.
I can't go anywhere I want freely, I need to depend to someone else, and it bothers me.
I found people that I can relate too, who has the same taste, same interest. But it is so hard to get into a 'close circle'. So here I am, stuck with those whom I don't understand. They are different, they're those whom I wouldn't usually hang out with. I'm not being mean, but we just don't have the same rhythm.
People can be really annoying sometimes. They're arrogant, they underestimated, they always talk but they never listen, they're slow and undependable.
Trivial things annoyed me real bad. Slow internet connection, room that didn't cleaned properly, dirty laundry, and other things that I don't usually had to worry about.
I miss my father, but he's so goddamn busy he barely even called. It's been too long since the last time I saw him. Even when I spent a short time at our hometown, he was home only for what? A week? I do understand that he has a lot of things to do right now. But is it so hard to spend just one day, one night, to visit me here?
I am here for Her. I never knew what She wanted me to be. And here I am, hoping that going into the same place as She was, will be enough to make Her proud. But I'm struggling here. There are some place here who holds a lot of memories of the happiness I don't own anymore, and going there always left me emotionally drained.
I fear the future. I fear the time when I will be left alone here, with no one to share daily stories with, no one to accompany in lonely nights, no one to eat together with, no one to make this strange place feels like home.
Up until now, I haven't found anyone I want to take pictures with.
There's no one worth the memories yet.
Will there ever be?
I beg you, please stay.
There's no time to breathe. There's no time to sit back and relax, and say I'm free. There's too many events I couldn't keep up with.
I always feel like I'm not good enough, or smart enough, compared with others. I used to prided myself on my writing skill, but now I suffered, even for a simple task as creating a question.
I am weak. Lived in a community with a high standard of life spoiled me. I have never been a good saver, always spending too much on trivial things.
I can't go anywhere I want freely, I need to depend to someone else, and it bothers me.
I found people that I can relate too, who has the same taste, same interest. But it is so hard to get into a 'close circle'. So here I am, stuck with those whom I don't understand. They are different, they're those whom I wouldn't usually hang out with. I'm not being mean, but we just don't have the same rhythm.
People can be really annoying sometimes. They're arrogant, they underestimated, they always talk but they never listen, they're slow and undependable.
Trivial things annoyed me real bad. Slow internet connection, room that didn't cleaned properly, dirty laundry, and other things that I don't usually had to worry about.
I miss my father, but he's so goddamn busy he barely even called. It's been too long since the last time I saw him. Even when I spent a short time at our hometown, he was home only for what? A week? I do understand that he has a lot of things to do right now. But is it so hard to spend just one day, one night, to visit me here?
I am here for Her. I never knew what She wanted me to be. And here I am, hoping that going into the same place as She was, will be enough to make Her proud. But I'm struggling here. There are some place here who holds a lot of memories of the happiness I don't own anymore, and going there always left me emotionally drained.
I fear the future. I fear the time when I will be left alone here, with no one to share daily stories with, no one to accompany in lonely nights, no one to eat together with, no one to make this strange place feels like home.
Up until now, I haven't found anyone I want to take pictures with.
There's no one worth the memories yet.
Will there ever be?
I beg you, please stay.
September 16, 2012
Too Many
There are too many strangers
Feel like I can't even breath without being judged
There are too many strangers
While the close one is too far to reach
There are too many strangers
And this is a completely different place, different life
There are too many strangers
They are everywhere
I am suffocating
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